


The Pain, The Sorrow, The Lonely

by justanotherrollingstony (adoctoraday)



Series: Letters to My Love [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, takes place during year one of LFTVR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-22 22:14:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23001220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adoctoraday/pseuds/justanotherrollingstony
Summary: Steve wakes up in the hospital and realizes just how alone he really is.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Letters to My Love [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1515746
Kudos: 72





	The Pain, The Sorrow, The Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> It’s our first LFTVR one shot!! This takes place during year one, when Steve is in the hospital. It’s just a short look at his mental status and a peek into how Tony feels about the situation as well. I hope you enjoy, there’s plenty more pain (and happiness and smut and fluff!!) to come!

It’s been a few hours since Steve woke up in the hospital, in more pain than he’s ever felt before. It’s agony; each breath sets fire to his ribs and heat melts down his spine and he shakes with the intensity of it, silent tears rolling down his face as he stares blearily up at the ceiling tiles. 

Doctors and nurses come and go, poking and prodding at his injuries until he has to grit his teeth against the scream that wants to claw its way free. 

He screws his eyes shut as the nurse adjusts something with his IV, willing it to be over quickly. It takes a moment for him to realize the overwhelming pain has lessened, replaced with a warm numbness that spreads through his limbs. 

Eyes flashing open, he meets the warm gaze of the older woman as she makes final adjustments to his IV. 

“Feeling a little better?” she asks softly, smiling when he nods weakly. “Good. SHIELD was kind enough to share their medical data on you so we could come up with a pain treatment plan.”

He can’t lift his arm because his clavicle is still healing so he nods pointedly at the IV, “Wha’s innit?” he slurs, frowning when he hears the loose way his tongue is forming words. 

“Fentanyl,” she replies, smiling at him softly, “and a proprietary painkiller for supers that SHIELD shared with us.”

He glances to her name tag and his heart lurches at the name there,  _ Sara _ , just like his mother, and  _ oh _ how he misses her now. A pain so sharp that he struggles to breath for a moment lances through his chest and tears burn in his eyes. 

Her eyes are green and kind and when she pushes the sweaty strands of his hair up off his brow he whimpers low in his throat and closes his eyes, desperate for a kind touch. 

“Shh darling, it’s ok, you’re safe,” she murmurs and he can’t help the tears that start to flow—chest burning as he sobs, agony wrapping him in its fiery embrace. 

She pets his hair and starts to sing softly, hands gentle and warm and it only makes him weep harder. He’d forgotten what it feels like to be touched with kindness, to have someone be gentle with him. 

He sobs until he’s exhausted and falls asleep with Sara still humming softly, his cheek pressed against the softness of her thigh, her fingers furrowing through his hair gently, over and over again. 

For the first time in a long time, he’s not alone. 

* * *

The next time he wakes Natasha is sitting beside his bed again, eyes closed, an open book resting against her stomach as her chest rises and falls steadily. 

He shifts slightly, wincing as his many injuries protest and when he glances over, her eyes are open and filled with something he can’t identify. They stare at each other for a long time before she sighs and rises from the chair, stretching like a cat. 

She surprises him then, by climbing into the bed with him and leaning back against the pillows, the book in her lap. 

She doesn’t say anything, her silence speaking far louder than her words ever could and regret sweeps through him—he knows he’s let her down, hurt her with his stupid decisions, but he doesn’t know if he’s permanently damaged their friendship. 

Is this another thing he’s broken with his recklessness? His breath hitches at the thought that he might have ruined his friendship—one of the only ones he has left now. 

Natasha deserves better than him. 

Her hand is gentle when it comes up to brush against his cheek, her eyes sad and hollow. The scrape of her nails on his scalp as her fingers pass through his hair leaves him shaky and breathing slower, trying to keep himself from crying.

Natasha presses gently till his head rests on her shoulder and then opens the book once more, voice low and husky as she reads to him. He closes his eyes and lets the words wash over him, the soothing cadence of her voice a balm on his weary mind. 

He sleeps again(it feels like all he does is sleep these days) and when he wakes he’s alone again, the bed lonely and cold. 

Every inch of his body hurts, but nothing more so than his heart. He’d ruined any chance he had at fixing what he’d broke between he and Tony and the abject failure leaves him despairing and weak. 

It seems he can’t stop the tears that spring to his eyes so easily these days, they come unbidden and he’s left sobbing, turning his face into the pillow to muffle the sound of his chest wracking sobs. 

His skin feels thin, like the delicate shell of an egg—feels like he’ll crack apart, that everything bruised and broken inside him will spill forth and everyone will be able to see just how weak he really is. 

He’s no better than that little guy he used to be—he was useless then, and he’s useless now. This world doesn’t need him, he couldn’t stop Thanos, all he does is bring pain to those he loves. 

He fumbles for the button to administer more painkillers, vision blurry from his tears, and pushes it twice and then a third time. Bone melting heat rushes through his body and he groans into the pillow, limbs going lax as the medicine does its job.

The pain is numbed, for now.

* * *

**[UNSENT]**

_ Tony, _

_ If there’s a way for me to make all of this right, I promise I’ll find it. I know you hate me, and I deserve it, but I can’t give up on us. We were a team, a family, and want us to be that again.  _

_ I’m going to find a way to fix this.  _

_ Yours,  _

_ Steve  _

* * *

  
Tony stares at the x-rays of Steve’s injuries, heart in his throat and waves a hand to dismiss the hologram, eyes falling shut as he turns away. 

He’s so goddamn tired. 

“Mr. Stark?”

Karen’s voice is low and soft, but never pitying or cautious. He drops his hands from his face and turns to smile at her, but it’s weak—he’s far too tired to work anything brighter up for her. 

“Yes Miss Page?” 

She smiles softly and strides toward him, long legs eating up the ground between them. “The hospital called again, asking if you wanted to go see Captain Rogers.”

He stares out the window of the tower, watching it storm in the distance and sighs heavily, feeling the weight of the world descend once more onto his shoulders. 

It’s never mattered what Tony wants—his value is in how he can make things for other people, in what he can  _ do  _ for them. His value is nothing more than a pretty face and a brilliant mind and in knowing when to shut up. 

He sighs heavily and nods, “Yea, I’ll go.”

Karen doesn’t leave him alone, she stays, stands with him while he peers out moodily at the stormy sky, and for a brief moment, he doesn’t feel so alone. 

**Author's Note:**

> Come scream at me in the comments or on tumblr at TheRollingStonys or on discord!!
> 
> I saw this on Tumblr and I think it's a lovely idea--feel free to copy and paste into your own fics!!
> 
> Emoji Key for those who don't know what to say!
> 
> ❤ = you wish you could kudos again  
> 😭 = I got you right in the feels  
> 🔥 = this was so hot!  
> 🐰 = it’s so fluffy!


End file.
